X-Men: First Class (2011) Film 1/50

So who knew that Magneto could have been a dentist, right?

This film helped answer the myriad of questions I had after seeing the other four X-Men films. Questions like...How did Professor X come to procure that snazzy wheelchair? What's the deal with Magneto's fabulous, telepathic-proof helmet? And of course, why does Mystique hate the binding feel of clothes so much?

Granted, the movie certainly left enough questions unanswered to provide an excuse for a prequel sequel. Like, what's the deal with Magneto's accent and/or lack thereof? Why do pig farmers and tailors drink their beer so awkwardly, and in synchronized awkwardnessity at that? These questions will haunt me for at least...wait, what was I talking about?

Anyhoo...what did I actually think of this film? Honestly, I enjoyed it. Probably about as much as I enjoyed X-Men (2000). Definitely more than I liked the other three. I'm still upset about how pathetic X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) was and that I paid money to see it in a theater. And truthfully, I can't admit to really paying too much attention during my living room screening of X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)...even with Taylor Kitsch in it! But I digress...back to the film at hand.

As far as the visual effects go, the film seems worthy of the Oscar nomination being predicted, but there were a couple of instances where the CGI was downright laughable out loud (mostly from scenes involving January Jones fetching ice cubes or the various supersonic flying sequences).

And speaking of fetching ice cubes...why did every scene involving a female character have them either prancing around scantily clad or making some other reference to the importance of physical appearance? Women were either dressed in underwear, stripping down to their underwear, projecting mental depictions of themselves wearing only underwear or debating whether life would be better pretending to be a drop-dead gorgeous blond or a completely naked, sexy blue freak. Oh, and I almost forgot frigid, naked diamond-form January Jones saying, "You can stop trying to read my mind, sugar. You're never going to get anything from me while I'm like this." And the men just seemed preoccupied with making sure people stay out of their heads. Go figure.

So what does that mean for you? Well, chances are good you saw the movie back when it was theaters, and reading this review is merely a diverting moment in your otherwise busy day. But perhaps you were like me and somehow never found the two hours and twelve minutes to walk across the street to the movie theater while it was still playing. If that's the case, I definitely say it's worth a look if you enjoyed the first X-Men movie (if you also enjoyed the other ones...well, they have medication for that, I'm told). The small screen surely doesn't do the special effects any justice, but then again, it's not like you're looking at anything that absolutely necessitates viewing it on the biggest screen known to man (it's not like we're looking at, say...Ryan Gosling's abs). But perhaps a short pros and cons list can help you make the final call:

PROS:
Kevin Bacon starring as the Evil Dr. Porkchop, James McAvoy's pick-up lines, the threat of Communism as plot device (oh, how I've missed thee), and the Hugh Jackman/Rebecca Romijn cameos

CONS:
The ridiculous treatment of women (don't get me wrong...I get the whole "WomenWereTreatedLikeMeat/MadMenMentality" that this particular era was supposedly all for...but this movie took that to an entirely different level), anything involving supersonic abilities, and not enough screentime for Oliver Platt

So that about sums it up. If you've seen it already please feel free to agree or disagree in the comment area below. And to those who haven't seen it yet, I hope you'll share your thoughts if/when you finally do get around to seeing it.

...First book review coming soon! Book #1: The Hunger Games