Contagion (2011) Film 29/50

Gwyneth just found out that Brad finally proposed to Angelina. Chaos ensues.

So Contagion. That was a fun 106 minutes of my life that I'll never get back. Or rather, depressing. Keep getting those two mixed up. But you probably want the spoilers. Yes. Lots of contagious spoilers.

Once upon a time, there were a bunch of people all over the planet, and they were played by A-list celebrities like Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Lawrence Fishburn, Marion Cotillard, Jude Law, Bryan Cranston, John Hawkes, Elliott Gould, that guy from The Dark Knight who embezzles all the money from The Gotham Mobster Club, and a bunch of other people. There really wasn't one person in particular that we followed, but they all seemed to be linked by one really sick Gwyneth who caught something nasty while traveling in Hong Kong.

So long story short...lots of people get really, really sick. The CDC doesn't know what to make of it, and conspiracy theorist bloggers like Jude Law cash in on the fun. Basically, it's like the first part of Stephen King's The Stand minus the Walking Dude meets all the boring science of Outbreak (1995).

There really isn't anything amazingly exciting that happens. And you pretty much just sit there and wait for people to either die, try to not die, try to find a cure, or inject monkeys and/or themselves with potential vaccines.

Oh, and there's a super boring/sad living room prom.

In the end (here comes the spoiler), a cure is found. And our reward for waiting out the exciting conclusion...we (that is the audience, not the survivors of the virus, mind you) get to find out what actually caused the virus to spread in the first place. And the cause is so lame, I'm going to spoil it for you right now. A construction company knocks over some trees which forces a bat to move into a pig farm where he infects Wilbur who gets slaughtered by a Hong Kong chef that gives Gwyneth the Handshake of Doom!

If you haven't seen this one, I say pass on it. It'll just make you want to run out and purchase large quantities of hand sanitizer. And if you buy the hand sanitizer, the Jude Laws of the world win.