Seriously...

...November.
It's on.

xoxo,
Jen

Miss Me?

I promise. I'll be back in November with new reviews. You can count on it...more than you can count on anything said at tonight's Presidential Debate.

War Horse (2011) Film 60/50

Rule #1: Don't try to beat Kaiser Bill with swords. Especially if his guys have some serious artillery. Even if you ARE Benedict Cumberbatch.

So now I've seen all of the Best Film nominees from last year. Well, all but one (Midnight in Paris...I'm still debating whether or not I'll see you). Once again, I feel that the Academy chose wisely when it didn't pick you to take home the little golden man. While Spielberg certainly knows how to pull the heartstrings of his viewers, this film just didn't have the same power as found in some of his other war films. And while I wasn't expecting him to pull off another Schindler's List, I was hoping for a bit character development...at least from the human stars.

The Bourne Legacy (2012) Film 59/50

So...remember when Jeremy Renner accidentally took Viagra thinking it was Ambien while on a 12-hour flight from London? Well, it happened at the end of July...just a few short weeks before The Bourne Legacy was released to theatres. Google it, if you don't believe me. Well, having now seen the movie, I can't believe there weren't more jokes about him taking little blue pills.

If you haven't seen this film yet, it is all about Renner searching for little blue pills. Or rather searching for a way not to depend on them for their "enhancing" features anymore. I'm not making that up. Seriously.

The Grey (2011) 58/50

If Jaws had been made with an alpha wolf instead of a rogue shark and Alive had been made with an oil drilling team instead of a rugby team and then the two movies had a baby, you'd get The Grey.

And that's pretty much all you need to know.

Unless, of course, you haven't seen Jaws or Alive.

Underworld: Awakening (2012) Film 57/50

I would have thought Kate Beckinsale and Scott Speedman could have produced a better looking offspring than this. No?

So Underworld: Awakening. That's an hour and half of my life I'll never get back.

This movie was a waste of time. To give a lengthy review would be a further waste of my time. It was miraculous that they managed to convince Beckinsale to reprise her role. Speedman was smart to stay away (he must have read the script). And Stephen Rea...what was your excuse?

Red (2010) Film 56/50

I turned on my television this morning to discover that Red was just starting. Although I vaguely recall it receiving less than favorable reviews, I decided to give it a shot. And while I usually enjoy watching Bruce Willis dodge bullets (even in a role that steals every burned spy movie cliché from the get-go), it was Karl Urban that kept me watching. Sorry, old guys.

And while Red certainly has its share of explosions and CGI effects, this movie isn't really about the plot. It's about the characters. Why else would the filmmakers spend the majority of its budget on what I can only imagine to be a very costly casting bill. So let's take a look at our stars.

21 Jump Street (2012) Film 55/50

Confession: I have never watched a single episode of the television series 21 Jump Street. Having now seen the film, I'm pretty sure that isn't a pre-requisite, as I'm fairly confident that I was able to "get" all the important cameos/references included. Feel free to argue otherwise, Jump Street fans.

Another confession: I initially vowed to never see this film as I was convinced that there was no way in hell that the filmmakers would have been able to convince Johnny Depp to do a cameo for it. As it turns out, they somehow pulled that off. And so here I am. Watching the movie I had once refused to see.

That being said, this movie calls for a list of favorite/least favorite moments rather than a full autopsy. Let us begin.

All Good Things (2010) Film 54/50

Hey girl, sure we can get married. But no, we can't have kids, and no, you can't go to med school. Or I'll "disappear" you. But I still love you. Okay?

So. All Good Things...must come to an end. Including Ryan Gosling's boyish good looks according to this movie.

Inspired by a true story, this film presents a fictionalized account of Kathleen McCormack's disappearance and the role her husband (Robert Durst) allegedly played in said disappearance. Of course, in the film the characters are named Katherine McCarthy and David Marks. That doesn't change the fact that you will see Ryan Gosling dressed as the-world's-ugliest-woman-ever should you stick it out for more than half of this film.

Hanna (2011) Film 53/50

This movie makes a compelling argument for why homeschooling should be avoided at all costs. Even if your teacher is Eric Bana.

To sum up Hanna: this movie is two parts The Bourne Supremacy and one part Firestarter with just a dash of Run Lola Run. And of the four films mentioned there, I recommend Run Lola Run above the others.